Twenty Years and Counting
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20 years and counting.... There is still pain. There is still loss. There are still repercussions in my life and that of my family. Mostly, I have healed. Then again, a memory surfaces, a sense of loss returns, a question of "What if?" arises, knowing there is no answer. I've healed. My family has healed. We have moved beyond. There are still scars. There are still echoes of pain and trauma. There are still moments calling me back to what we knew, what we lost. There is no going back. That's hard to say. It's hard to write. It's hard to accept that picking up what used to be will never come again. Perhaps part of the difficulty to forgive is in letting go of what will never be again. Conversely, forgiving would allow me to let go. It would allow a fuller acceptance of living the new reality before me. Do I want what I have? Or do I really just want what used to be? I've been moving toward forgiveness. I've been moving ahead.